Why My Kids Aren’t #1 in Our Marriage
Read time: 2 minutes
Welcome to issue #051 of Unicorn Parents. Each week, I share practical insights and reflections to help you build a profitable business without missing the magic at home. If you’re serious about winning at work while raising great kids, you’ve come to the right place. This is a community built for ambitious parents who want both.
Empty nest. It’s coming.
College. Marriage. A job in another city.
Whatever the trigger event is, they leave one day.
Our responsibility as parents is not to keep them.
It’s to prepare them.
That’s the assignment.
My boys are still toddlers.
But I already think about that day.
Today, I got a small preview.
My wife and I had an entire day without the kids.
They were with my in-laws.
It felt… strange.
Not good. Not bad.
Just different.
Our children have become oxygen in our daily rhythm.
Noise. Chaos. Laughter. Questions. Spilled milk. Sticky hugs.
And suddenly…
…silence.
But guess what?
We had a LOT to talk about.
Not about the kids.
About us.
About ideas. Faith. Business. Dreams. People. The future.
That felt like a quiet victory.
Back in college, I remember a psychologist (also a church elder) telling us:
“Kids should never believe they are the number one priority in your marriage.”
My Korean American brain short-circuited.
Children were everything in our immigrant household.
My parents sacrificed everything.
That’s love.
Yet he argued the opposite.
Children who see a strong marriage, one where the spouse relationship is protected, actually do better.
It took me years to understand that.
Today, I’m proud to share:
My kids are a top priority.
But they are not the center of the universe.
I intentionally show them:
Their mother matters.
My faith matters.
My work matters.
Our marriage matters.
It’s not about ranking #1, #2, #3.
It’s about modeling a full life.
As entrepreneurs, this matters even more.
Your kids shouldn’t feel like they are competing with your company.
And your company shouldn’t compete with your kids.
If they see you constantly torn, guilty, fragmented, then they internalize that tension.
But if they see you anchored (e.g., loving your spouse, building something meaningful, showing up with intention) they learn something powerful:
You can build.
You can love.
You can commit deeply to more than one thing.
The goal isn’t to orbit your children.
The goal is to raise them strong enough to launch.
And when that day comes, when the house is quiet,
you want to look across the table and still recognize the person sitting there.
So….
Build the company.
Raise the kids.
Protect the marriage.
One day, only one of those stays with you.
Make sure it’s strong.
This one is the best advice you've given. Finding that balance where confidence, being anchored and the adult superpower of juggling life, work, love and faith takes hold. it's a recognition of the simultanaeity of distributed systems - THATS - the best education you can give your kids!
It's that point where they get to stay over at friend's houses for overnights.
It's that time when you give them some cash, and a card, and send them to the mall.
It's called parenting and letting the leash open, so the kids can find themselves.