The Parenting Mistake from Tokyo to LA
Read time: 2 minutes
Welcome to issue #030 of Unicorn Parents. Each week, I share practical insights and reflections to help you build a profitable business without missing the magic at home. If you’re serious about winning at work while raising great kids, you’ve come to the right place. This is a community built for ambitious parents who want both.
I’m on a short three-day business trip to Japan, and it reminded me of something uncomfortable:
You can demand excellence so intensely…you forget to say “I’m proud of you.”
Japan is awesome.
The food, the tech, the precision, the calm, the efficiency.
It’s a dream for anyone who appreciates excellence.
On this trip, one thing kept standing out to me:
Japan’s baseline for excellence is super high.
Everywhere I go—Uniqlo, the taxi line, the coffee shop, the late-night ramen spot—even part-time workers at the local Family Mart perform with dignity and mastery.
Their smiles are excellent.
Their service is excellent.
Their attention to detail is excellent.
And yet…
Underneath all that excellence, expression is low.
Last night in Shibuya, I was having dessert with a group of founders and investors.
In the middle of our conversation, the quiet café suddenly exploded with laughter and shouting.
A group of salarymen (normally buttoned-up, quiet, composed) suddenly sounded like high-school boys celebrating the last day of exams.
Not violent.
Not messy.
Just…finally letting themselves be human.
Because after who knows how many rounds of drinks, they finally had permission to let loose.
During the day: high expectations, low expression.
At night: high expression, zero guardrails.
And the more I watched, the more I realized…
this tension doesn’t just shape adult life…
it shapes parenting too.
Parents who give everything…except emotional affirmation.
Parents who push for excellence…without always showing delight.
Parents who prepare their children for competition…but not always for connection.
It’s easy for outsiders (especially from the US) to think, “tsk tsk, that’s not good parenting.”
BUT the opposite is also its own form of harm:
low expectations, high expression.
Kids flooded with praise…but given no structure.
Kids protected from discomfort…but unprepared for life.
Kids told they’re special…but never given direction.
Both extremes fail kids in different ways.
Healthy parenting isn’t one extreme or the other.
Kids need:
High expectations and high affection.
Standards and safety.
Structure and soul.
Excellence without losing your humanity.
That’s how gifts become talents.
That’s how identity forms.
That’s how we raise grounded, brilliant kids—in Tokyo, in Seoul, in California, anywhere.