How to Discipline Our Children
Read time: 3 minutes
Welcome to issue #045 of Unicorn Parents. Each week, I share practical insights and reflections to help you build a profitable business without missing the magic at home. If you’re serious about winning at work while raising great kids, you’ve come to the right place. This is a community built for ambitious parents who want both.
My dad wasn’t afraid to use the “rod of love.”
Not on us, but on himself.
If I did something wrong (something clearly worthy of discipline), he would bring out the rod and begin hitting himself, hard, on the calves.
It terrified me.
I remember thinking, “Any second now, that rod is going to come down on me.”
But it never did.
He would stop.
Look at me.
And ask softly,
“So… how many hits do you deserve?”
Shaking, I’d whisper, “Ten.”
And before he ever took another step…
before any punishment could happen…
he would break down.
He’d wail.
Sob.
Pull me into his arms and hold me tightly.
That was his discipline.
Looking back, I don’t share this as a parenting recommendation.
It was strange.
It was emotionally intense.
And yes, it left marks on me in ways I’m still unpacking.
But here’s what I did learn:
👉 Discipline was never absent.
👉 Love was never absent either.
I knew, deep in my bones, that wrongdoing mattered.
And I also knew that I was never discarded for it.
That tension feels especially relevant today because many parents are genuinely confused about discipline.
On one side are gentle, child-centric frameworks that prioritize emotional safety, validation, and connection—sometimes to the point where consequences feel endlessly negotiable.
On the other is the rise of FAFO parenting (short for “f** around and find out.”)
At its core, FAFO parenting argues that children learn best by experiencing natural consequences.
No rescuing.
No over-explaining.
No shielding kids from discomfort that life itself will eventually deliver.
In its healthiest form, FAFO is a needed correction to over-parenting and learned helplessness.
In its unhealthiest form, it can slide into detachment…or a quiet, humiliating “I warned you” distance.
Both sides are reacting to something real.
And both can miss what matters most.
True growth isn’t shaped by avoiding discomfort.
And it isn’t shaped by inflicting it.
It’s shaped by clear limits, coupled with unwavering presence.
That combination is what gives children:
internal authority (not just compliance),
responsibility (not fear),
and the confidence to face consequences without shame or isolation.
My dad’s “Rod of Love” was messy and imperfect.
But it was anchored in a steadfast truth I never doubted:
Your actions matter.
And no matter what, you belong here.
And maybe this is the deeper lesson, whether we’re talking about our kids or our companies.
What shapes people most isn’t intensity.
It isn’t clever frameworks.
And it certainly isn’t reactions.
It’s steadfastness.
Children don’t develop through volatility.
They don’t grow under parents who swing between softness and severity,
rescuing and withdrawing, lecturing and exploding.
They need something slower.
More boring.
More reliable.
They need adults who don’t react, but respond.
Who don’t escalate emotion, but contain it.
Who remain present even when disappointment, frustration, or consequence is required.
The same is true in organizations.
Great cultures aren’t built by founders who panic, posture, or perform.
They’re built by leaders who are predictable in the best way—steady, grounded, and hard to shake.
My dad’s discipline worked on me not because it was dramatic…
But because it was consistent.
I never wondered where I stood.
I never doubted the relationship.
The question isn’t whether to discipline.
The real question is:
Can your child feel both the seriousness of their actions and the safety of your love at the same time?
That tension (held well) is where character is formed.
And that’s the rod of love we’re all still learning to carry.
David, thank you for this. Discipline is one of the most delicate topics we touch, because it only works when it’s rooted in love.
Proverbs talks about preparing your work before you prepare your home (Proverbs 24:27), and I’ve felt that connection deeply, the way we lead in business should sharpen the way we lead in our homes, and the grace we learn in parenting should humble us in our work.
I’m a stepdad, a bio dad, and a foster dad, and every child I love carries different struggles, sensitivities, and baggage. It’s easy to swing toward being overly firm or overly protective, and both can miss the heart. The hardest part is finding that center: steady love, clear boundaries, and discipline that isn’t powered by fear.
When a child knows better and still chooses wrong, a parent can panic, trying to “save” them from the future, or worry they’re raising someone without resilience. That’s where I keep asking God for wisdom: “Teach me to love my kids the way You love me, with patience, truth, and mercy.”
This is a conversation parents and leaders need. I’m grateful you wrote it.